WWW NOTE: If a stench were “smellable” over the web, you would have already forcequit your browser and gone running blindly for the sink, your eyes-poaching-themselvesmedium-in-a-solution-of-your own tears, *mum-effluvium, and ham. Since it is not, you read on… Consider yourselves warned.
In 1922, at a dig in the desert south of Tunis, after hearing the unlikely thumping of music underfoot, Professor Nigel Quentin Fontenelle Dumblucke IV (1895-1973) unearthed the ruins of an ancient discotheque to find a dozen undead Egyptian mummies inexplicably throwing down what he dubbed, “Terrifying Funk From Beyond the Grave”. From these hovering souls, who called themselves, Here Come The Mummies, Professor Dumblucke learned of the powerful curse that doomed them to wander the earth, seeking the ultimate riff, the one that may allow their spirits to rest after aeons of, as they put it, “banging out solid fly grooves, y’all”.
Much legal wrangling then ensued between the Egyptian government and that of Dumblucke’s Great Britain. This directly threatened to silence the group’s European tour, which had begun in rather short order to bring in a beautiful dollar for Dumblucke. Then, just as a total solar eclipse swept over Majorca, where they were to enjoy a much needed rest, HCTM promptly vanished.Though theories abound connecting these groove-tastic ghouls with events down through the ages, such as the loss of aircraft and ships in the Bermuda Triangle, paranormal activity in and around Area 51, the sinking of Atlantis, the vanishing of the Mayans, and most recently with the meteoric rise to fame of Ryan Seacrest, most have been dismissed by experts as parlor quackery.
What is clear is that these saucy specters resurfaced around the turn of the Millennium. Without so much as a hot bath, HCTM would open for P-Funk and Al Green, rock Super Bowl Village 2012, become regulars at The Bob and Tom Show and massive festivals like Summerfest, and make themselves the darlings of sell-out crowds over wide swaths of North America (and little tiny strips of Eurasia). Maybe that’s why the ladies (and some dudes) can’t stop losing their minds over these mayhem-inducing mavens of mirth.
Joe Elliott of Def Leppard pronounces Here Come The Mummies “Cock wobbling brilliant”. Bob Kevoian of The Bob and Tom Show says of HCTM, “that’s the most fun I’ve had in 20 years”. One tipsy fan (gesturing obscenely) gushes “Errrrgh. Hey! …HEY! Woooooooo!”.
Some say they were cursed after deflowering a great Pharaoh’s daughter. Others claim they are reincarnated Grammy-Winning studio musicians. Regardless, their showmanship, deep-pocket grooves, and penchant for double entendre will melt your heart and your face alike. Here comes… Here Come The Mummies!
*Foul odor that reminds one of deviled eggs, Red Bull, dead Yeti, cotton candy, lentil stew, Gatorade, ‘Nilla Wafers, Habanero-Oreo, fish-infused balsamic vinegar, pineapple Jell-O, guacamole, raisins, half a coconut, and five shrimp (jumbo) left under passenger seat of 1988 Chevy Cavalier abandoned near the Grand Coulee Dam.